Romance...does it really exsist????
Romance....what is it??? I am not talking about sex, just romance!!!! Thats it, not too hard!!!
Websters Dictionary describes Romance as:
1. A love affair.
2. Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love:
3. A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something
Is this something that really exsists between 2 people or has Hollywood poisioned us to believe that Romance is flowers, satin sheets, beaches at sunset, and candlelight dinners?? Is is something that is there after you say I, Do?? Or does is slowly diminish away after time, then you just learn to deal?!! What about after the kids come and you are settled into years of marriage. I think that romance is something that exsists on the Honeymoon and once you leave the honemoon there is no going back to those exact feelings!!!
Sometimes I feel that there is no romance in my marriage, I am sure that is a common feeling among women and men alike. I am not sure that it was ever there, but I have decided that I want the romance thing now. I am not looking for it in any other person than my husband......I am just confused on what it really is supposed to be and if it is really ever there between the normal people. If it was there how do you put it back? I think that this whole having kids and Navy lifestyle has really put a strain on my marriage. We are doing Marriage counsling, not for any specific problem, just as therapy to help any problems that may arise. Our therapist asked what we want out of our relationship, I said Romance. My husband says more sex....of course he does he is a man!!!! Now I have homework to find what I really want and to see if there is a way to get there. I don't want my readers to think there is trouble in Kristi-land. Its always chaotic, the therapy is free through our insurance.....it is more like an enrichment session.
Any feedback will be appreciated.....I value all of my readers comments.
posted by kristi at 1:38 AM
8 Comments:
I have been married nearly thrity years and there are phases where it seems to be missing due being busy with the minutae of life, kids, work. then you pine for it. That is the time I would take a step back and plot or mention it to my husband. I still remember the night (15 years ago now) my husband arranged to have the kids spend the night at a friends house and surpised me with a wallis and grommit fest in a movie house in baltimore. We got home around 11pm. I am thinking we will be going to bed. No. We had a bbq at midnight in the garden. It was mad and wonderful. Yes, romance exists, just that it takes more work when you have kids to come up with those magical moments.
I guess it is different for everyone but for me, romance is being with your best friend who does the little things that make your life easier. It also means accepting me for who I am warts and all and I do the same for him. Accepting that neither of us are perfect and that is ok. I caanot wait for him to come home after work because there is no one else I would rather be with.
After my post yesterday, I realized I would rather be with him than me, too!!
Sometimes, if you start to do little things for him, he will start to do little things for you....
Durk and I go through phases. Like he had 24 hr duty and then came home last night wanting to hold my hand in bed and play with may hair and cuddle. I thought he was working his way to getting something. But he said he just missed me. It was weird to me cause it had been a long time since he was like that. I think Ash might be the kid of person who does not show romance in the usual ways. Cause I remember things he said and did when you would be away. He was always thinking of you.
I suggest the book, "The Five Languages of Love." It could be just that you and your husband aren't tuned to the other one's needs. You might point out that if you get more romance, and start feeling more sexy, the natural result would likely be more sex for him.
Well Kristi as you well know I didnt make it till 30 years in my marriage...you might ask why....well...none of it was my fault! HAHAHAHA. ( you knew that didnt you) I think in this day and age its very hard to be married...our lives are so busy and harried. And its really good if both of you enjoy sex..together...lol..but you have to have something to talk about after the sex is over too. The best thing to do is be his friend...let him know how much you love him. Wear something to bed that is "cute". Be seductive. He will love it. And your asking yourself if she thinks she knows so much why is she divorced..well I have had 2 important relationships in my life...my husband being the first..we were young, his drinking took a toll on everything in our life...its hard to communicate with a person who comes home drunk and being verbally abusive....and after a while you stop wanting to communicate with him...thats what happened to us. But my second relationship....it was everything you could hope for...the passion, the friendship, the respect..it was all there. Of course we were both older and much wiser by then. When I was with him I felt beautiful, I felt loved and we have talked about everything you could ever dream of.My husband never made me feel the way he did.
Give it all you got Kristi....be his lover, be his wife and be his friend!
wow....Ive wrote a post!!! LoL
My wife and I still have romance. I have loved her from when we firtst met and I love her more now. This is not about sex. It is about something far better. I ran some marriage enrichment courses .
Romance these days is the little things. Like when he brings me my coffee in the mornings cuz he knows I am not a morning person, or how he told me the other day that my hair looks "pretty" with no color (I have been letting all my color grow out and am embracing my inner granny LOL). Sure I miss those wild romantic days before we first wed, but I have love letters to remember them by though.
Pretty powerful questions...
It is different for everyone...
And as I reach our 16th anniversary I am grateful for what I have... I never looked for him, he never looked for me. We were happy in our single lives... But when we kissed, Whoooa!!! Our lives changed...
I always thought I would remain single... Never imagined myself married... Donno why, but in the back of my mind I thought I would never marry someone I could live with.. I would marry someone I could not live without...And that I did...
Someimes I need a reminding of that... But most times... I have exactly what I want.. albeit... not with all the romance... but I guess I was never that type of gal...
and as I wait(he makes me a very wonderful birthday /anniversary card every year... I count my blessings... as he normally cries when he gives me my card as he truly thinks we are lucky that the stars deamed for us to meet...
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